Things have somehow changed in my mind over the summer - like, my brain is literally functioning differently. It has been such a dramatic change its been easily recognizable for me.
I'm actually remembering things.
I used to have a phenomenal, almost photographic, memory. Then sophomore year of undergrad happened - and my mind hasn't been the same since. I have struggled so much to remember things that I need to - authors names, what information came from which article - among other things much more important. But things are changing - I actually feel confident in a lot of the stuff I've been learning.
It really hit me when I was speaking with Dr. Richardson and she asked me what approach I thought I was taking. Without missing a beat I told her I was approaching my dissertation with a constructivist lens but that I'd eventually become a critical research scholar.
I blew myself away. I honestly couldn't believe I had remembered those things from Fall '10 term. Not only am I really bad at answering things off the cuff, but this was OLD information for me to have remembered and used appropriately!
I also had a conversation with Bobby the other day where I made a somewhat insightful comment - something I hadn't even considered up until then. A lot of the important stats stuff that I learned twice [once at CMU and then again here at OSU first year, on top of my scary regression class with Andrew Hayes] I can no longer remember, and I think I know why. I was dealing with so much my first year here that the information that I was taking in was not being stored for the long term. I was still finishing my Master's thesis that fall term on top of juggling some heavy health issues. And then my gramma died. I became an orphaned grandchild that winter. I had so much other stuff to attend to when I wasn't shoving methods, theory, and stats in my head that those things never had the chance to stick.
Unfortunately, that means I have some catching up to do on things I already learned. But, thats okay. I forgive myself for not storing everything the first time around. Up until this past year, I was in water over my head. But the floods have finally receded and I think I can see everything again.
It feels good to be back folks. Real good.
