Man oh man. What a crapshoot of a term Fall 2011 was.
I worked my butt off straight through summer, never had much of a break before Fall began. I was exhausted when this term started. And for the record, I didn't make it through unscathed. This was one rough term for me.
Things started to go sour over the two week break I had between summer and fall terms. My then-boyfriend made some off-color comments to me that really pissed me off. Things stayed sour when I got back to school and within 3 weeks of being back, our relationship was over. His behavior since the breakup has been a roller-coaster for me and his immaturity has really taken its toll. I have felt completely isolated in our department. I tried to avoid social situations where he would be so it wouldn't be hard for him. And in doing so, I have lost a friend or two. Not to mention he couldn't be bothered to acknowledge my presence or not run and hide when he saw me at school. So, yeah, he's been super awesome and helpful in the healing process of this whole mess.
On top of matters, my sister had her first baby less than a week before classes started again. I've been home as much as possible to spend time with her, but its still difficult being away from home. Molly is growing and changing so much I feel like she is a different person every time I see her. So, while this has been a good life change, it is still a stressful one adding to the pile.
My comprehensive exams and dissertation have been a roller coaster as well. My committee meeting kept getting pushed back until it was finally canceled altogether the first week of november. To reschedule, I had to have my statement of purpose written, and during that week I was to be writing it, my advisor sent me an e-mail suggesting I look into a completely new direction for my dissertation. Well, needless to say, this paralyzed me since I had no idea what to make of this suggestion and it didn't help matters that we didn't meet again for almost a good month due to conferences and holidays. So, over Thanksgiving break, I decided that since we hadn't had a committee meeting yet, I didn't have my reading lists from my committee members, and 4 weeks and Christmas break sounded like insufficient time to study for my comps, I didn't want to do them until the Spring term. All of my committee members sounded pretty happy about this when I told them the news, and so I am happy too. Now, I get to study for 10 weeks and do the readings that I want to do. Unfortunately, during my last meeting with my advisor, some issues were raised and my dissertation focus is going to have to change. I'm somewhat bummed since I've been so focused on this topic for at least a year now, but oh well I suppose. Its one project. A big project, but just one. Things could be worse, I suppose.
This term was the first term without some of my really good friends here. Christine and Whitney were my girls and they have both graduated and gone. I am so thankful that Christine left me Lauren, because quite honestly, I'm not sure what I would have done without her here. God has blessed me with such a good friend. She is amazing and has been about the only support I've had in Columbus for a good two months. Its been really hard having such huge life changes taking place and not having your support system available to you. I've been struggling. A lot. I think I've remedied the situation though. The past two weeks I've made my loneliness known to a few girls in my department and extended an offer to them to be friends. They accepted my offer with open arms. :-)
I spent the majority of my time this term working on two research projects to get them ready to submit to ICA. They got finished [for the most part] and submitted, but still don't know if either got accepted and I neglected my school work to do these things.
Classes weren't too bad, but neglecting to do the readings for the most part in all of my classes really had me behind for a while. Not to mention, the advanced stats class I took with stats god, Andrew Hayes, was the first stats class I've taken in almost 2 years. So, I was a little rusty in that area, obviously. I was really stressed about my grades for a good portion of the last week and a half. I had convinced myself that there was a good possibility that I might not even pass the stats class. Thankfully, my worry was unfounded. I passed all of my classes with flying colors. In fact, they were so good I'm still in shock about my stats grade. :-)
To top off the good grades, I got amazing student reviews from my research methods labs. So, that makes me feel wonderful.
I was also instructed to apply for a tenure track position at my Alma Mater by my professors from there. Apparently the first time they wanted me to apply, they didn't understand what I meant when I said I had 2 years of school left. Well, after the way this first term has gone, I'm applying. I don't have to make any big decisions right now, but I'm applying. Because if winter term is as miserable as fall term was, thanks to some really immature people in my department, and I am offered the job, I might just have to peace out of Ohio and head back North to make a big kid salary and finish my dissertation in the beauty of the Yoop.
I've had a rough term. And when I say rough I don't mean its all been bad, its just that the stress load has taken its toll and my body is very unhappy with me. I've learned a lot the past 3 months. I've grown a lot as well. I've learned that even if you try to keep things civil, people still take sides. But thats just fine. I know loss very well and even though it hurts for a while, everyone will move on and life will be okay without them. I've started counseling and am working out some issues - some recent and some from my buried past that has resulted in some ptsd. I'm going to keep working on it and keep working on me. Because I will forever and always be a work in progress.
I've decided that even with all of the crying, this term is an overall win. I'm still alive and I'm re-energizing to tackle my next big project: The Dreaded Comprehensive/Candidacy Exams. So here is to a successful and prosperous 2012 with the ups and downs of life and the phd process.
:-)
