Monday, August 22, 2011

Insight over the Summer

Things have somehow changed in my mind over the summer - like, my brain is literally functioning differently.  It has been such a dramatic change its been easily recognizable for me.

I'm actually remembering things.

I used to have a phenomenal, almost photographic, memory. Then sophomore year of undergrad happened - and my mind hasn't been the same since.  I have struggled so much to remember things that I need to - authors names, what information came from which article - among other things much more important.  But things are changing  - I actually feel confident in a lot of the stuff I've been learning.

It really hit me when I was speaking with Dr. Richardson and she asked me what approach I thought I was taking.  Without missing a beat I told her I was approaching my dissertation with a constructivist lens but that I'd eventually become a critical research scholar.

I blew myself away.  I honestly couldn't believe I had remembered those things from Fall '10 term.  Not only am I really bad at answering things off the cuff, but this was OLD information for me to have remembered and used appropriately!

I also had a conversation with Bobby the other day where I made a somewhat insightful comment - something I hadn't even considered up until then.  A lot of the important stats stuff that I learned twice [once at CMU and then again here at OSU first year, on top of my scary regression class with Andrew Hayes] I can no longer remember, and I think I know why. I was dealing with so much my first year here that the information that I was taking in was not being stored for the long term.  I was still finishing my Master's thesis that fall term on top of juggling some heavy health issues.  And then my gramma died.  I became an orphaned grandchild that winter.  I had so much other stuff to attend to when I wasn't shoving methods, theory, and stats in my head that those things never had the chance to stick.

Unfortunately, that means I have some catching up to do on things I already learned.  But, thats okay.  I forgive myself for not storing everything the first time around.  Up until this past year, I was in water over my head.  But the floods have finally receded and I think I can see everything again.

It feels good to be back folks.  Real good.